Unfolding the Light

12/28

2009-12-28T19:43:06Z

I ignited a star
and suspended it in the air,
far above the ground
below.
Out of craving for warmth
and the glow of
Mystery,
I sought
for the Light
that Shines without Burning,
and Burns without Fading;
the Bright whose Providence is
Complete.

We seek to own as a substitute for self-possession;
We seek to possess as a substitute for connection;
We seek to connect as a symbol for Identification as One.
Every level of relationship between selves and their objects are but reductions from the nature of the One; Absolute.

We objectify that which we fear and loathe within.
We reject those objects which symbolize and echo those parts of ourselves which we have failed to integrate.
We can only reconstitute Identity when we defy the avoidance reflex, open to perception in the presence of discomfort, and embrace what is before us as if we and it were one and the same- because we are.

Within anguish, suffering and fear, tucked away, cloaked and tightly enfolded, is the Mystery: the only place that holds the code to our own Emergence-
Avoid the shadow, and access is lost to the Light that produces it.

Struggle and manifest existence are inter-identical.
Personhood, self-nature, is a clenching, a contraction, performed by Emptiness in an attempt to create the illusion of manifest existence, in the hope that the sentient tension that is the self will Awaken to the Freedom that can only Arise from its own end.

Intending to be Spiritually Alive without first dying to self is like a seed expecting to become a tree without first falling into the ground.
The Wisdom of the Seed is found in knowing that death is the womb of Life, and then acting upon that realization with humility, faith and courage-
Seed-ness, like self-ness, is not something to remain, but something to be overcome.

At first, this person that I have inhabited for all of life was horrified, terrified and overcome with confusion and despair.
(Such are the birthpains of Becoming, the necessary prelude to Being.)
Then, That-Which-Is-Existence Awakened from its slumber within and apprehended the realization that This Is Everything...
It Is Everything- And So Am I.

I,
but not me,
Emptiness-Absolute-Always.

12/22

2009-12-22T14:13:29Z

Truth is the surface to the sphere of Beauty. And Spirit is the Atmosphere, the Emptiness, in which they both Breathe and Thrive.

Breathe In...and let the Air of the New Life lift and expand every cell, feeling and thought to the fullness of their possible unfolding that the Light of Existence may Arise from the shadow of animated death. This is the birthplace of the Liberated Self.

Breathe Out...to open the Gate. Becoming the Conduit, the Light spreads through the Liberated One that Significance, Unity and the Dynamic Themselves are embodied and symbolized in One Life as clearly as they are in All of Life.

The cycle of the breath, birth and death is the cycle of manifest becoming in microcosm. Liberation from the cycle is not attained through its cessation, just as transcendence from the self is not acquired through its elimination. The drive to cessation is what feeds the cycle's perpetuation, just as the desire for elimination is what fuels the flame of self-nature and the separation by which it is defined.

There is nothing to acquire, and nothing to attain. Great Effort and Great Surrender must be embodied at once. The slightest imbalance, disharmony or duality, and it all falls apart. The only Salvation that exists is manifested through Falling Apart Completely.

The Awakened Life is found neither in cessation of the cycles and rounds of manifest being and becoming, nor in extinguishing the flame of the conditioned self. The Awakened Life is found in Living From the Ground on which the flame does burn, From the Air on which the fire does feed; Living From the Field of Emptiness on which the cycles do spin, from the Spirit of Radiance by which Life Does Turn.

Every Experience, a Gate through which Enlightenment and Grace are meant to pass. Every Life, a Symbol through which Truth is meant to be revealed, a Seed through which Love is meant to grow to maturity, an Eye through which the Light of Existence is meant to be made manifest. May It Be.

12/17

2009-12-17T15:12:29Z

Every tree climbs toward the sky, though it will never reach its limit. Every blade of grass and flowering form reaches and stretches toward the sun, following its path, adoring its warmth, lamenting its passage below the horizon line, though they will never fully embrace it. Yet every Life's effort toward the Light is Absolute Holiness True and Full.

Every step that we take toward any object or experience in particular in desperation and need for the purpose of self-definition, is a step away from the Source and Ground of the Holy.

Original Nature and the Heart of the Seeker are One and the Same; the Pattern of Absolute and the Essence of Being are Identical.

Stillness precedes, and is Foundation to, Knowing, not the other way around. When we seek to 'attain' Stillness through any mode of knowing, or doing, we are like one who seeks to begin one's climb from the middle of the mountain. Establishment of Ground is the Alpha Point from which all that is meant to be must Arise. Life can only come to be through Birth.

We must endure the full distance of the climb and reach the Summit (of Stillness) before we fully Realize that it is Identical with the Stillness at the Heart of the Ground from which we sought to depart- there is no Departure; there is no Arrival. There is Only...

12/11

2009-12-11T15:41:17Z

Wherever I go, I carry my self along.

Having ascended through the subtle vibratory phases of Awareness on the spiral of Unconditioned Becoming, the Witness Consciousness passes through the Wilderness of Cessation, and Falls into Being...The remnant is cast away, the soil is prepared and the Divine Seed is planted- The Tree of Life once again thrives in the infinite abode of this holy and universal garden.
The Fruit and Flower of Light and Living Water Shine again!

The world is falling to shadow not because of war or violence, not because of greed or corruption, nor because of cruelty or malice- these things are but the emanations of a deeper root: ignorance and complacency, whose cure can only ever be Awareness and actions which naturally flow from such. No matter how uncomfortable the Reality is, the Truth is Always the Truth.

We must begin somewhere. The rains cleanse the world. Every torrential shower, begins with a single drop. It is lonely being singular, being at the beginning of reversing a perilous momentum. But in time, enduring the loneliness, the uncertainty, the rejection and marginalization is rewarded- the promise and hope is tightly enfolded within the struggle itself.

The socially-constructed self-nature, the contracted identity of egoity, will always prefer belonging and the validation of the cacophany of authoritative voices that designs and manipulates the will of the crowd to genuine freedom and autonomy. In fact, as this reflex of resistance to Knowing is further conditioned, the fashion of freedom and authenticity takes the place of Freedom Itself.

Perhaps the greatest Blessing inseminated into the nature of humanity and life is that no light can be held in the shadow forever; no thing buried can be kept from coming to the surface. The places we keep to imprison and conceal our secrets become wombs in which they grow until no effort can keep them contained.

The Blessings and Promises enfolded in our separated parts will burst forth with a momentum just over the force that it took to keep them under. And when they do emerge, all of ourselves that was devoted to the task of concealment will be burned and carried away on a stream of wind that seems to spell our end, but is in fact our Final Salvation.

May the Refining Flame begin its burn, may the Cleansing Wind reach its destination, may the Light of Awareness begin to Shine to its Full, born through the membrane from That world to This At Once- it has already begun.

And if one Perceives and Feels with the Spiritual Eye and the Universal Heart, one will See that the Sun of Holy Redemption has already begun to rise above the horizon line- Let This Be the One; what we will Become.

12/2

2009-12-02T17:35:45Z

It all comes down to Recognition, Reflection and Remembering.

To Know and to be Known: these Two weded Graces together comprise the whole of Life's ever-emerging, all-encompassing, limitless and radiant Purpose and Promise: that Light will bring all things to Perfection, and Love will bind them Together.

Traveling is Finding; Ceasing is Returning; Being is Becoming...Beyond the How-It-Is, resides the Why-It-Is; Beyond the Why-It-Is thrives the That-It-Is; beyond This...there is Nothing else but This.

By all of the things that I am and used to be, I am captured no longer- but they still define me.

We can only truly Transcend that which we first fully Accept- Acceptance is the act of conception leading to the birth of Transcendence- there is only One Way.

It all falls not where and when we will, but where and when it must.

Maybe we are all the rain...And maybe the persistent return to sleep is an echo and foreshadowing of the Letting Go into the Fall of Homecoming.

One who habitually chooses to be born to flesh, to self-nature, to reflexive contraction (of identity) from Vast Emptiness, is akin to one who occupies themselves with acquiring seeds without ever planting one.
Habitually contracted lives become artifacts, relics, distant representations and symbols of Spirit, without Essence- like water that is frozen through, they cease to flow (after all, in producing ice, one must kill the river). They come to only faintly echo the Living Source from which they were drawn.

Such is the whole of the Law, of Truth: Nothingness, the Root; Emptiness, the Ground; Silence, the Center; Being, the Atmosphere- Quality, Unity; Consciousness- I AM.

11/14

2009-11-14T20:02:39Z

We are born from Peace; We return to Peace.
Our fundamental responsibility in life is to honor the nature of our Origin and to make our lives an embodiment and ultimate expression of its Essence and Being.

To transcend the self is to transcend the clinging to one’s history.
To the New Man all that has come before is but a series of echoes and emanations from a song that has gone long past its natural end, a pattern of ripples destined to settle back into Silence.

In truth, and by whatever name, heaven is not a place separate and apart- an imagined realm of paradise- passed into after bodily death. The concept of heaven is a materialization, of sorts, of the actuality of Liberation, Enlightenment or Awakening (just as the concept of God is the personification of the actuality of Pure Being, Absolute or Consciousness Itself)- symbols of the deeper Reality, externalizations of the Essence that all Beings Embody.
Liberation is the Cessation of the limitation, the boundedness, of conditioned existence, or the exclusive identification with the personal body-mind, the extinguishing of the flame of craving and clinging which keeps us in a state of perpetual burning.
In Awakening we die, not in the body, but to the body-mind, the self-nature, that Original Nature may live on through its place, Unobstructed.
This is the True Heaven which unfolds from the Holy Atmosphere of Spirit in the Here and Now.

Beyond the exclusive identification with the self-nature, beyond the tyranny of denial and despair, attachment and avoidance, thought and feeling, there is the non-existent Place where all manifestation evaporates into Transcendent Quality and Expansive Unity, both of which disappear into one another as Absolute- The Divine Marriage and the First Birth- here distilled in word and form:

ABSOLUTE
AS
EXISTENCE ITSELF
BEING AND BECOMING
THE BELOVED ONE-
I AM

I AM
THE BELOVED ONE
BEING AND BECOMING
EXISTENCE ITSELF
AS
ABSOLUTE

ॐ मणि पद्मे हूँ,

2009-10-31T15:22:21Z

What things/thoughts/feelings/experiences do I habitually reject?
What things/thoughts/feelings/experiences do I habitually idealize?-
These two questions define the Great Work by which we progress through the Dimensions of I-dentity and Awareness
and into Spaces of Consciousness
with greater Breadth and Depth
until
the individual and the Universal
are
One; Not-Two.

ॐ मणि पद्मे हूँ,
(Om mani padme hum)

10/12

2009-10-12T16:18:22Z

Those who resist giving in to the undertow and sacrificial fire of functional conformity as a natural consequence of their character, like an immune response to a ubiquitous pathogen, are compelled, even forced, through varieties of manipulative methods, to become subservient, not because it is right, but because such resistance represents a persistent and disturbing warning to those who are inclined to give in that what they have sacrificed themselves to is in fact meant to be resisted or exited and that in giving in they have chosen incorrectly. It is easier to marginalize the resistors and deny their nature and choices validity than it is to make the greater effort of Repentance, or turning away and back toward the Truth. Denial, ignorance and avoidance are always easier. It is a grave and tragic error to equate or associate ease, comfort, and community validation with the True, the Good and the Beautiful.

What we are able to Perceive and Know is limited by the nature of our Being. The extent and range of our Being is defined and determined by the Quality of our engagement in the Process of Transformation and the degree of Freedom or Space our sense of Identity is founded upon.

There is a knowing that occurs through the mediator of feeling and emotion. There is a knowing that occurs through the medium of Reason, through the functions of thought and representation. But the greatest form of Knowing or Perceiving occurs beyond the reach of feeling, thought, apprehension and impression, past the gates of Paradox and Confusion- this kind of Knowing is that which is only accessible through Identification with the Object or Other.

Denying the existence of Spiritual Realities is akin to a sea-dwelling organism denying the existence of the Water out of which the Ocean in which it lives and breathes, and upon which it most truly depends, is made.

In the simplest terms, Awakening is the Process of moving from living life to being lived by Life Itself, from living life as an object reinforced through the conditioning of habit-force, to Realizing that we are processes of variable contractions from Original Consciousness meant to exhale and expand into Growth into Becoming the Process Itself, Awakening to Emptiness Ever-Present through the All and Falling Forward as the Witness.

There are many ‘standards of measurement’ by which we may determine our ‘progress’ on or as the Path, such as: the degree and depth to which we are free from fear; our ability to accept the experiences we are given, rather than separate them into pleasant and unpleasant as a matter of priority, avoiding the later and chasing the former; our ability to transform the suffering in life into the fertilizer for the new growth to come; the degree to which we are able to embrace with compassion and sacrifice for the service to another; the manifestation of our autonomous potential; and our freedom and versatility of perception and thought.

The quintessential transitions in the process of Spirituality are moving from viewing God as Object or Other, to apprehending or Identifying with God as Subject or Witness, to Immersing into God-as-Atmosphere.

All things and beings are fragments of an Original Whole seeking Re-Union with one another. The entirety of Creation is a vast production of the struggle for Re-Union.

As one Progresses, the core statements of self-affirmation and self-definition change thusly from-

I feel, therefore I am; to-

I think, therefore I am; to-

I am, therefore I am; to-

Consciousness, therefore I am; to-

Consciousness, therefore there is; to-

Consciousness, therefore Becoming.

As each shift occurs, the presupposition of the ‘I’, or self-identity, dissipates and expands until there is an Awareness that Consciousness Exists and Becomes without center or limitation.

The more of Being and experience we avoid, the greater the obscurity of our perception becomes. This leads to the creation of the persistent illusion of distance and separation from Reality, causing a genuine and deep-set feeling of loss of Contact or Access, a tenacious impression of the need for a mediator or bridge to re-connect us to that which we have lost- the Essential.

We are bonded by our ubiquitous feeling that something is missing, an emptiness or absence present that needs to be filled for us to be Real Again. Our error lies in attempting to fill this space with substitutes or cover it over with disguises of denial and fashioned appearance in order to avoid opening ourselves to its Presence and Meaning. Without so opening, we can never understand that it is not an emptiness to be filled, covered over, hidden or compensated for. It is a Symbol for the Emptiness that we are meant to Become.

The Quality of all character and Being can be justly determined by perceiving and discerning the reaction in the presence of the Unknown and the response to confrontation with the Unknowable.

All imposition, forceful intervention and manipulative effort, no matter how cunning, artful or subtle, lead to a dissolution of Order and Progress, for such ways violate the Supreme Principle of Emanative Creation which is Freewill. And though the paths and workings of Freewill can often seem cruel, destructive and chaotic, even to a degree that seems to chart a clear course directly to death and despair, the Path of Freewill is ever-moving toward the Light Still, even in its darkest turns and most shadowy movements. Even those who would seek with their every intention to subvert the Good, work for and toward the Good, yet know it not.

The knowledge of Ends and Purpose has been taken from those in who dwells the seeds of corruption.

The Gift and Grace of Freedom limits the privilege of extension in temporal existence.

Because temporal existence is defined by transience and distance from Absolute, even if such qualities are illusory; sorrow, suffering and pervasive unsatisfactoriness inevitably grow proportional to one’s dependence upon, association and identification with such existence.

Grief and fear are indeed fatal conditions, yet far more potent than the fatality of bodily death, for they can kill while leaving one in a state where the basic mechanics and appearances of life appear to be in tact, yet the Light of Awareness and Energies of Being which truly characterize Life have all but departed, leaving the individual in a condition of ‘waking death’ defined by disconnection, denial and a persistent reversal of Value. As the population of such beings grows, a critical mass of inertia is reached where beyond the world becomes a photographic negative of itself.

The Symbols and Seeds of Salvation reside cleverly hidden enfolded within forms unattractive to the Sleeping self of divided egoity and in spaces to which only the Light and Being Within can gain access. When we feel an impulse of discomfort or repulsion or a compulsion to avoid an experience, that is when it is imperative for us to pause, open our Eyes, and step back into Perspective to Look again. For therein often does lie latent Images which if extracted from their context and embraced in understanding may build the Pattern of Salvation which alone moves us toward Completion and away from Servitude.

9/25

2009-09-25T14:06:24Z

My one greatest fear is that, in spite of the many years of days that have passed and the myriad diverse and numerous efforts that I have expended and exhausted, there is something living within me, thriving on my energy, persisting through the light of awareness, whose only drive and desire is to destroy me- and up until now, it has possessed the momentum of victory. I am aware that I, as personality, and this destructive element are both a part of this present identity. But I can neither reconcile them nor can I tolerate their separation. Either this war will be the death of me or it will be the end of me. This death is full of promise, even while possessing the greatest challenge imaginable, for this is the death of the self that opens the womb in which the True Self may be born to Waking Life. The end of me, on the other hand, is the end of promise, the surrender to the final fold of avoidance. This is the end after which there will be no new beginning. Ultimately, it comes down to choice: Will I finally Let Go into death and invite Life in to Empty and Fill At Once? Or will I fail to fall and pass away into a sleeping existence resulting from what amounts to spiritual starvation?- This is living between the twin horns of Dilemma.

The worldly life is defined by people mistaking the branch for the Root, and neglecting the Root in preference for the branch, which leads to the characteristic struggle to plant the Tree of Life upside-down. The Path of Awakening, through death of self to re-birth of the New Life, involves the Great Task of cutting down this wrongly-planted tree, uprooting its stump, burning all to cinder and ash, and planting the new Tree of Life rightly- in fertile and well-tended soil- from acorn to the Fullness of All Manifestation.

When we Let Go into the Origin and the Process of the Path, the Ultimate End arises on and Of its own, as it is Always Ever-Present. When we focus on the goal, we continually re-condition the self, and the Ultimate End can never be 'reached' or Apprehended. If the Ground is prepared, if the Seed is carefully placed and planted, that it may be allowed to fully inhabit the Origin, and it is cared for with No-self through Unfolding, the Fruit and Flower Emerge Naturally, with no-effort and no obstruction- There Is No Other.

9/20

2009-09-20T21:29:05Z

It is tragic how much suffering has come on the working end of the ‘desire to help’ and good intentions. Generally speaking, I believe that intentions are the root of the active life. But I have been cut by the sharp edge of the interventions of others too often to be optimistic. The noble pursuit of ‘help’ is too often twisted by others’ inability to let go of their preconceived notions and preferences.

Love is the root of Compassion. Compassion is the foundation of Understanding and the necessary prerequisite for supportive intervention. Without the Mind of Letting Go, there is no love at all- there is only a person wearing the fashion of empathy over a body of narcissism while violently weaving another’s pain into their very own badge of honor.

Among the greatest of life’s sufferings is that which is born as a result of a struggle with silence. It is matched only by, and is always the companion of, the suffering of loss. Loss and silence- the twin horns upon which a soul is most brutally impaled. What is on the Other Side of this dilemma, I now only know by theory and not by experience- only the later can quench the fire; the former only leaves one thirsting.

I felt the waters of my long-departed demons flood through the gates toward me, and rising so fast that I was frozen with shock and awe. I was partly the victim of my hope that I had gained sufficient distance from the threatening shores of these haunting apparitions of vulnerability for them ever to endanger me again. But as I felt the undertow grab hold, I was blinded and overwhelmed by the terrible awareness that my tether to the ground had been cut.

It is just when we think we are so free as to be unable to be enslaved again, just when we begin to think that we are so awake as to be invulnerable to slipping back into slumber, we are struck with the experience that tells us in no uncertain terms that no one is so liberated that the darkness cannot catch them if we lose Perspective and allow pride to enter in.

So in the end, as seemingly opposed as it is with common sense, it is Humility that serves as the well-spring for our greatest source of strength; Receptivity and Acceptance that serve as the catalysts for the manifestation of the full advantage and flowering of Transformation and Transcendence of self; and an embracing heart of Letting Go that serves as the origin and birthplace of all that we are meant to Become.

And once we allow ourselves to work through our contention with silence, the silence and the loss lose their previously convincing appearance as enemies and reveal themselves as aspects of our own True Identity. When we fully internalize this realization, I and the Silence become One in Stillness, and there is nothing left to do- nothing can threaten that which does not exist.

9/2

2009-09-02T19:57:33Z

The mind laments the loss
before the Passing Away.

All worldly problems and human suffering and dissatisfaction arise
from the complex of
‘I, me, mine’.

Suffering burns a hole
right through
to the core of our Being.
If we try to escape,
or cover it over,
we will struggle our whole lives
to keep from falling in,
even if silently,
even if while in the grips of a convincing fantasy.
If we turn to face our redeeming cavity
and see our True Reflection
in its shadowy abyss
we will find the Truth there waiting
for us to Begin.

The turning point comes when our torments become our humble guides and our most revered teachers.

There is an Answer
that says nothing
yet contains the seed of everything
all at once.
It
only sounds
when there is no one left
to hear
It.

We are only Twice-Born
when the only way that remains
is the path to
Attaining Nothing.

We must embrace the essence of that which we seek to eradicate
and excavate the compressed self-generated material of identity
to the Ground
until that which generates all artificial burdens, illusions of perception and distractions of dependency
perishes unaware.

Before inside and outside
there is a thunderous and penetrating Calm
from and to which
all things move.
Setting sun and Spring rain
calling
guiding all turning things
to Center;
turning all hidden things
to the Light.

Let turn the Universe-
It does so without our knowing.

Perfect Practice is
ascending the mountain path
while
wandering the valley way;
floating upon the rivers of the sky
while
tethered to the ground.

When the I
and the not-I
meet
they annihilate oneanother.
What remains
in the aftermath
has no measure
or limitation.

Occupy the Space
of
No-Center-of-Perspective.

Nobody comes, Nobody goes
No one is home
Alone.

It is the sense of touch
that most closely resembles
the intimacy of identity
with Divinity
in all things.
It is an echo of the contact
that occurs as all worlds converge
to the Place-without-dimension,
where location and time
lose all relevance
melting away
in the ineffable, blinding
and purifying
Heat of Original Longing
for that whch we foolishly seek in
false idols, empty promises,
and all relative and conditioned things.
The Resolution of longing
is hiding behind
every fear and desire,
waiting and existing
as
that which we can
never fail to be.

When the cracks
in the wall of the shell
of the vessel of the self
begin to form,
the Essence from the outside
flows and rushes in
to meet
the Essence from the inside
and as they touch,
they Unify;
and as they Unify,
they Dance;
and as they Dance,
we Awaken
and disappear.

When all of our minds
perfectly align
and our last trace of identity
burns away
we drink in the Realization Full,
though there is no one left to experience realization;
every particle becomes an Open Eye,
though there is no one left to experience perceiving;
every molecule becomes a Doorway,
though there is no one left to conduct the Passing Through;
and, though there is no one left to search or travel,
every experience becomes a Path leading directly to the
Divine.

Prayer for the Fallen

2009-08-26T19:35:15Z

Here I Am
in a solitary room,
in a place between the spaces,
and I have forgotten how to breathe.

What is on the Other Side
I do not know,
but I feel it
as certain and pure
as the Light
that burns me through and through,
down to blood and bone-

May I endure and bear the suffering
until the fire has done its purging work to completion.

And all there will remain
is the Seed of the New Life to be planted
and the Essence that brings the All
out of the very Heart of Existence.

Amen.

Video Journal I

2009-08-24T01:06:23Z

8/23

2009-08-24T00:24:41Z

The One is found neither in seeking nor in walking straight lines and ordered paths, but when we let our mind go and our spirit wander- when we stumble back to the ground of unparalleled dynamic liberation; when we walk untravelled paths and roads with no map to follow; when we fall and let ourselves go completely into the experience of being who we are deep within and go well beyond the boundaries of who we think we need to be.

The mind that seeks is ultimately the mind that binds. The spirit finds itself when one ceases and remembers that everywhere and everywhen we are holds all of the truth we need to know and is rightly called our peace and our home.

So peel the rind off of every experience with passion and grace. Feed on the nectar that overflows into the essence of the life we are given. Pluck out the seed with great care and settle it down in the well-tilled earth of thankfulness and love that the cycle of existence and the great chain of being may continue to resonate into eternity.

Give honor to the source and the fountainhead of creation.

Now find what never ceases to reside directly with the field of Awareness- that Light-That-Knows-No-Bounds.

In losing our self, we attain the Universe.

8/22

2009-08-22T15:55:33Z

We attempt to gather together and acquire in substitution for that which we have not prepared to receive; we collect without earning, possess without grace. So we chase after the forms of the material, emotional and intellectual worlds because these are the things which possess a tangibility that allows us to believe that we have come home. We build our temples to false idols while the One watches and waits. We collect lesser lights, reflecting glasses and flames in preference to the Shining Sun as if many of the former can and will serve as replacement for the Grace of the Later. We mistake and replace signs, symbols and stand-ins for the One True Authentic simply because we believe that the former are so near and the later is so far. Yet all the while We and It and I are One and the Same, this very moment, as wave to the Water and as cloud to the Atmosphere. We even carry our thoughts to the point of convincing ourselves that such a One does not and could not exist- we find ourselves using the energy that Spirit grants us to doubt its existence and violate its Nature, even as we breathe It in as Air and are sustained from It as Water. Every word that is spoken, thought that is generated and belief that we cling to, if depended upon, becomes a layer of obscurity that further binds us and prohibits us from Seeing That-Which-Knows-Neither-Place-Nor-Name.

While Such are the patterns that we trace, the circles that we travel- this is what defines us, what makes us who we are- the River of Life diverting and condensing into tight vortices whose momentum builds into the being we call ‘I’. As we exert the considerable forces of separation-of-mind to re-interpret the perilous curves of self-definition as straight lines of progress, we evade, ignore and forget that our true and most high destiny is to Awaken, Remember, Unravel and focus the rogue energies of habit and desire into the Straight Path, the Only Path, that leads us Onward to the Home-That-Knows-No-Place.

I know that as long as we avoid the refining flame, shield and insulate ourselves from the fire, and evade the unsheathing that can only come about through entering and enduring the Wilderness, we continue to keep buried the latent Seed of the Divinity from which alone we may be Born To the Life that lies only through and beyond the threshold of Dying to the self.

8/21

2009-08-21T20:54:58Z

When one uses quantity as their first guide and only acknowledges the material, and those things which lead to it as an end, as being real and of significance, inevitably, it appears as if living a half-life is better than living no life at all. This is a place and a state of worldview that falls in love with its slavery, covers its prison cell with fashion and finery and calls it freedom. This is a perspective that learns to enjoy feeding only on the scraps from the table, all the while dancing between the twin horns of denial and repression, simply because it is that way of being which gains approval, simply because it is the direction in which the herd travels- even if that direction leads to a cliff. But rather than Awaken, rather than open one’s eyes and endure the first pains of the truth to train oneself to love the light for its own sake, one moves to escape the revelations that arrive with stillness, one increases the volume of distraction and misdirection and sedates the mind and perception so as not to be troubled by the sharp edge of the Real. And the truth is that it is easier to keep shut one’s eyes, to chase comfort as one’s high value over truth or life, and to cover over the consequences and pain that serve as warning of the danger of the inauthenticity of the dream than it is to turn away and around to face the Light.

I feel like I have been living in a world where we have forgotten how to breathe, where we have been trained and conditioned to hold our breath for so long that anyone who finds such a way of life unsavory is condemned or marginalized or encouraged to interpret themselves as somehow broken or maladaptive. What a topsy-turvy place, where seeking to breathe the free air is a threat and an oddity.

I am frustrated and exhausted. I am tired of going in circles and feel I have reached the point wherebeyond I utterly lack the ability to stay asleep at the wheel and just keep on keeping on because…well, just because. For my whole life I have been stuck on the outskirts of what I was told is the responsible way to live. I had accepted, or rather submitted, to the idea that something within me was broken and needed fixing so that I could join the ranks of those who followed what is acceptible. Since my adolescence I have submitted myself to therapies and therapists of many and various kinds, pills and potions representing constellations of chemicals and colors. I have tried coming at this life both from straight ahead and from every angle I could think of- yet all within the confines of and toward that which I was encouraged to believe as the acceptible way of life.

It took me a terribly long time, and it was a painfully slow process, to realize and come awake to the fact that the anxieties, fears, pain, discomforts and ‘handicaps’ were for the most part not originated from some antiquated set of emotional reactions to trauma, but arose and persist as a result of an especially strong sensitivity and an intense inborn intolerance I seem to have for inauthenticity. I realize that there was a far more significant portion of my responses to ‘stress and reality’ that existed as a way of warning me that there was something terribly wrong, not with me, but with that system of things to which I was struggling to adapt myself. When one is immersed in a dangerous or unhealthy environment, resistance to it is a natural response, regardless of whether such difficulty in adapting is common or not. There are persons who are ill and societies which are ill, and while it is far easier to marginalize a maladaptive person than it is to acknowledge that one’s environment is toxic, it is a grave error to equate ease, or comfort or popularity, with right. There is a time to make a decision and chose a direction simply because it is right, regardless of whether or not it is difficult or terrifying, even to the point of appearing ’crazy’. Most brave are those who make such a choice. So far, I am not one of them, but I am working on it.

7/2

2009-07-02T18:24:15Z

Life begins within- it rises and emerges in a series of growing complexity and subtlety, interpenetrating and binding all things together as a principle of cohesion- that vibrating force that resides and breathes in the spaces between.

All that we need, all that we seek is always already here.

The Way in is the Way out; the center defies direction.

Thoughts spot and color the mind the way blood patterns as it splatters upon a field of snow.

Blood is the medium of life and mind as they conspire to spread and create as a product of the crystal-lattice matrix of Awareness which defines our direction of Divinity.

Experience in and of itself is the pure and authentic result of Quality bifurcating into a subject and an object which together evidences an interaction.

Vibrational frequencies or colors known as emotions which result from conditioning then cover experience as a rind thereby obscuring its true nature and serves to prohibit contact which inhibits the alchemical process of transforming experience into the raw material of growth through its integration into, and resultant expansion of, our boundaries of identity.

In time this rind over experience becomes covered by more layers upon layers of barriers and borders carrying the original experience to even greater distances from consciousness through the psychological functions of denial/suppression/repression.

The covering of experience grants the individual a certain sense of ease and flow in immediacy and contributes to the habit of avoidance.

But in reality, all that we avoid is the germinating substance which we need to grow.

Avoidance is a primary addiction and the process of addiction produces increasing hunger for the object of obsession. In converting a want into a need, a conditioned object into an object of worship, one’s happiness, one’s very survival becomes tied to the false idol in the illusion of such perceived artificial necessity.

As the process of addiction proceeds, exercising the choice of reality becomes more difficult.

But it is a choice that is always available, even if veiled- the choice of receptivity over resistance, the choice of embrace over repulsion, of humility over pride, of reality over fantasy, of spirit over personality.

This present, unintegrated mind is a flickering flame, a light which is yet a shadow of Light. The true Light is the Awareness which is spread within and before all as a Universal Atmosphere.

To live in the flesh is to hold one’s breath.

To Awaken to Enlightenment and be born once again is to finally fill one’s being with this Air, disappear into Becoming, and never be heard from again.

The seed falls into the ground,

the tree is born to spread and flourish,

and the fruits come forth shining their promise of grace and providence into being before the witness of all the world-

Be at One

and Arrive.

6/26

2009-06-26T14:03:08Z

In searching to find ourselves, we create and re-condition the self.
The objective is neither to find nor to create a self, but to exit the vortex of self-ness entirely.
We begin by inquiring into the motivation to search, and encountering the orginal observer itself.
We then become aware of the full fiction of persistence and that there is absence at the beginning and the end of the circle.
Only the center survives.

What a strange hall of mirrors, facades, dreams and illusions the sleeping life is- to begin is to be born through water; to awaken is to be re-born of light and emptiness.

6/25

2009-06-25T17:40:21Z

I feel that my reservoir has run empty, right down to the very bottom where nothing but a sludge-like slurry, viscous substance is left- the Dynamic quality has run dry, as surely as hope has. There was a time when I would just make quantum leaps to the extreme of despair or anxiety and hover for a while letting the force of the fury of it all tear at my spirit for a while before floating to the top again a fraction of what I was before. But for all of the trouble and turbulence, suffering and strife that anxiety or depair causes, they are states of energy, even if that energy is maladaptively directed. At some recent time, I lost even my ability to gravitate to such states. The residence was replaced with a haunting numbness that terrifies me when I attain enough distance from it to feel again. This numbness seems an absence, an emptiness, a nothingness- and I can't imagine what progress I can make in the face of a nothing. It is possible that it is yet another further stage of my progress out of the spiral of habit-energy that has had me trapped in its gravity well. But the further along I get, the more I begin to wonder whether I can survive long enough to be free of it.
On or around the fundamental existential spectrum of away and toward, attachment and aversion, there is a holy Third Direction. I just can't see it.

6/24

2009-06-24T18:53:27Z

I am a shimmering bubble within the foam on the crest of a wave waxing and waning, ebbing and flowing, rising and flowing, destined to pass away, returning to the ocean within.

6/23

2009-06-23T15:38:49Z

All of conditioned life is defined by a persistent tension between the opposing furies of obligation and desire- the former imprisons while the later sedates the frustration that the former generates.
Remember the Center and practice Unconditioning.

6/22

2009-06-22T15:40:16Z

It has been such a terribly long time since I have written anything here. It feels such a great injustice considering how valuable writing has been to me as a tool for enhancing self-awareness, and how valuable I feel it is meant to be in the intended unfolding of my future. It is typical of me. Everytime I get close to something resonant, something of value to my opening, I feel the resistance, the habit of contraction begin within me, and within an instant the contraction becomes so severe that by the time it works itself out, I have lost the opportunity I was given, and I have lost another collection of finite moments. I have only recently attained some success in transcending the paralyzing guilt and regret which is inevitably associated with this cycle, and such transcendence is the central component in escaping the gravity well of self-limitation. It is barely conceivable and quite terrifying how strong habit-energy can be. The gravity of our combined habit-energy can in some cases be so strong that one's whole life is pulled apart to the last particle leaving nothing left but a faint trace of what could have been, a dissipating note from a symphony that never was. But I am still here, I am still breathing and moving and having valuable experiences, even making some progress it seems. It just isn't enough, not yet- it isn't enough. There is a point of no return out there somewhere, and I hope that I am not too late.

Sihaya

2009-04-22T14:35:21Z

Resonating with you
my world blossoms open
like a flower
long-forgotten
finally flowing into bloom.

A universe full of stars,
ancient seeds of light and wonder
exploding outward
germinating time
in the vibrant womb of
Quintessential Mind.

There is a beauty untold
that stands in authority
at the source
pulling our souls
Irresistible.

Moksha

2009-04-22T14:33:35Z

The door lies just ahead
the clouds have finally lifted.
Twilight dims
as dawn rising
begins to warm the earth beneath my feet.
Through the luminous portal now
the Way is broad and clear.
A pale light begins to glow
calling me
onward
Home

(We are home to the Light from which we come)

A flower now grows
where a body once stood
awaiting the final fall
that will feed
the field of life-

~fanaa~

Channels

2009-04-22T14:32:07Z

Tides of Force
converge to engage
a movement
in a unified direction
Layering dimensions
unfolding a path
through the flesh of
concentrated time.

I as witness
transcending the mind
in a dance of
spiraling light
Cascading essence of
living water
reflecting the space
Divine.

A flame within a field
within a form
at play
in an image
of infinite regression.

A stream, a conduit
a vortex of patterns
revealing while concealing
the identity that waits
to disappear.

Come angel,
escort ethereal
Show me the way
to forget to hide.